My Friends...

 Yes, believe it or not, I have a friend or two. I often wonder how I have lived in the same town for 23-24 ish years, and have so few friends. I know a big part of it was starting in 7th grade I home schooled. I am shy, I guess around people I do not know, I am perceived as stand offish at first impressions. I guess this can result in a lack of many friends. I also am a bit of a home body, not huge on going out, not a great dancer...ect. I guess it is not easy to make friends when you are at home most of the time. I also am not confident that many people like me anyway. I put too much thought into people liking me instead of just being me and if you do not like me, then its your loss. I want friends. I want to be liked. I am lame!
  I have a couple very close friends. I think...
  My friend who I refer to as my soul mate is truly one I would do just about anything for, I'd give her my kidney! Lol! The thing is, as close as we are, she does not trust me with everything. It is hard for me sometimes to understand, but as long as she knows I am here no matter what, it's all I can do. You may wonder how I have decided this and a great example is many years ago she was dating a guy, casually, not a relationship or any thing like that. Well he broke it off as soon as he thought she was calling him the 'b' word, ya know, boyfriend. Well we were talking about him and I asked about sex, (we are adults here) and she denied ever doing that with him, I believed her and that was that. Well a few weeks later she comes to me and lets me know she is going to have a baby. I was shocked, could not believe she was knocked up by her ex-fiancée! She was shocked I would think it was him! Well turns out it was the casually dating guy who she never slept with :/ I love her, and do not understand why she is  not 100% trusting of me. She will talk to co-workers about things she would never talk to be about and we have been friends for 10 years now! I accept this is how our friendship is, but at times wonder what I did wrong to make her feel she can not trust me with everything.
   Another friend of mine, we tell each other everything, like your husband is an ass! Or dude what did you eat, you smell like something died in your butt three weeks ago!?! Lol! She is awesome, I know if I am having a problem I can call her and she will listen, and carefully give brutal advise! We did not always have this friendship though. For a time we barely spoke, and in spite of our issues then we always trusted each other to watch each others kids. Weird right? At this time and before it she had a friend who was her 'soul mate'. I felt like an outsider looking in when I was around those two. When shit hit the fan one day, I was blamed, hurt and said hurtful things as well. After much time those relationships were mended, and I wish I knew then what I know now. But can not fix the past, and am grateful for the present friendship with her and look forward to the future.
   Childhood friends? Well I do not have many left. I see one now and again from time to time, and have a couple on Facebook. Why is it we are so distant? It is really mostly my fault. I am no good at calling people back. Not at All! I had a great friend as kids, we still see each other around town from time to time. I know the biggest reason we are not friends is because she got tired of me promising to call her, she waited by the phone I am sure, and I never called. I am better about that these days, but regret letting that friendship fade off like it did.