Marriage Happens...

But what happened to marriage? When did it turn into something people can just walk away from? When did the vows that were exchanged become just words?  

   This is what typical vows look like:

  I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_vows)

So let’s break it down.."good times and bad", but how bad? How bad do you let it get before it is too much? Do you think people give up without trying these days? Irreconcilable differences? What is that? She smokes, I do not like it, so I do not love her anymore and I want a divorce..He spends too much money on 'junk' and I am pinching pennies to buy milk for the kids. She wants to paint the bathroom blue and I want it green...I don't know... 

  In sickness and in health...how sick? Like ok, seems dumb to walk out on the flu, but what would you do if your partner had cancer? Would you stick it out? Or worse, your partner is in an accident and they are paralyzed and mentally damaged. Do you stay? I watched a touching story of a couple on American Idol, this man is there singing to make a better life for his fiancée. She is on a chair and cannot communicate as a result of a car accident. He stayed. He is there caring for his soul mate, loving her, being with her. Could I do that? Could you? 

   For better or worse...Worse than what? Losing everything, no money no car no home? What do you do? How did we get there? Was it your fault? Mine? Ours? How do you know when you can't handle anything else? What makes a person decide that this person I once vowed to love forever is just not worth it anymore? 

   For richer or poorer...how poor? Is money and stuff really a factor in whether or not we love someone? When did a person's income become a deciding factor in whether or not they get a second date? Heck..a first date? 

   Love, Honor, and Cherish...I was not sure how to go about this part, but I read this and thought it fit:

 “We have all heard the saying that love isn't always enough, which may be why honor and cherish go hand in hand with love in wedding vows.

Love

Love has many different definitions, and we all love in different ways. However, think about some of these terms, and see how they fit your relationship.

·         Adore

·         Respect

·         Admire

·         Show affection

·         Show devotion

·         Find irresistible

·         Unselfishness

·         Loyalty

·         Care

·         Passion

·         Tenderness

Honor

Do we really honor each other? To some extent, most couples do, but how much more could we honor our spouses if we really think about what this term means?

·         Respect

·         Admiration

·         Integrity

·         Deference

·         To treat honorably

·         To fulfill terms of an agreement (vows)

Cherish

To cherish someone is to love and honor them as much if not more than you love yourself. It is the most meaningful of the terms, in my opinion. People can love each other, or care for each other, without cherishing one another. If we truly cherish each other, how can we have anything but happy and lasting marriages?

·         To keep first in one's mind

·         To treasure another

·         To value deeply

·         To hold dear

·         To prize above all else

·         To treat with gentleness and tender care

·         To esteem

·         To appreciate

·         To treat with utmost importance

(http://marriage.families.com/blog/love-honor-and-cherish)

 Can we do this enough?   Adore, respect, treat honorably, or keep first in one’s mind?

I have been reading the blog of an acquaintance; she gave the blog their family name and has several entries. In these entries you hear her mention her husband very rarely. The entire ‘about me is about her and her kids, not once in that section does she mention her husband or that she is married. When did our kids become number one to our spouse? News flash! Our kids are going to leave us! Then what? You will not know the man you are married to because you spent 18+ years ignoring him!  

   How many times have you gone out and heard some guy saying terrible things about his wife? Or had guys come to you asking if you would be willing to cheat on your husband? Or seen girls who look for men who are married?   Whatever happened to married means off limits? Girls in this town get catty and bitchy about girls who look at their man, yet how many of them have been the ‘other woman’? We, ladies, need to stop this! If you do not want girls looking at your guy, stop looking at other guy’s yourself!

   So many people around me I have seen in bad relationships, start talking to “a friend” of the opposite sex, and that is like playing with fire. DON’T DO THAT!! Call your mom/sister/cousin, but not a man! I don’t care if right now he is a friend, this is how things turn into more than friendship! You know this, I am sure I am not the only one who has seen it. 

Ok…I don’t know where I am going with this….Has anyone else had thoughts like this really long one?

  Care to share?? 

Love is work...

  Making your spouse feel loved is not always an easy job. You have to work at it everyday.
  I was listening to a radio program the other day and a woman was talking about a 'love jar' she started with her husband. they each had a jar with 5 pieces of paper in them. Each piece of paper had one thing their spouse could do to show them they care. This woman had a feeling about what her husbands papers were going to say, but was surprised when she pulled the first one and it said make me a fruit salad. A fruit salad makes her husband feel like she cares. So she now makes a fruit salad regularly so he knows she cares.
  I like to do little things like have a fire going and have the house all warm when he gets home from work. Remembering to turn on the mattress warmer a couple hours before bedtime so he has a warm bed to get into, having a clean house and a warm supper ready to eat. Today I sent him an e-mail before he got to his office just to say good morning and I love you. These things show him I love and appreciate him, and I love doing it!
  What could he do to show he loves me? He thinks lots of love making and bringing home a paycheck..Lol!
  Really, all I want is for him to talk to me, about everything. And help with little things, like getting Anthony ready for bed. Last night he loaded the dishwasher! Yay!
  What do you do to make your spouse feel you love and appreciate them? What can they do to make you feel loved and appreciated?

Wife...

 Yep, at the ripe young age of 18 I became a wife! It was not a hard transition for me. I was the only girl in a family with two brothers. My mom when I was a young teenager went on the road long haul, and I took care of the household a lot on my own. I was raised to do dishes as soon as I could reach, cooked my first box of macaroni and cheese when I was 8yrs old and have been cooking ever since. I was told, growing up, I would make a great housewife/pastors wife. Well, I got half of it right! I'm too rebellious for a preachin' man! Lol! I wanted just that, the house, the husband the kids, a dog, and a cat. I wanted to be the Leave it to Beaver family, where all problems are solved in a half hour. 

  Well, turns out life is not quite that simple.

  Marriage is not easy. It has its ups and downs and curve balls get thrown. I wish all problems were as easy to fix as they make it look on the Cosby show, or what have you, but its not. It takes work everyday and your biggest problem is not what your husband is sneaking to eat in the kitchen. But thats the key, you have to make an effort to make things good everyday....