Easy Is For The Weak

     I find myself asking well, myself, and/or God on a daily basis, at times multiple times a day, "why can't just one thing be easy?" The last 3 months of my life have been like a storm. I was talking to Adam some and it snowballed from there, we started to date and he told me he was applying for jobs out of state. We went together to an interview in Missouri and before I knew it, there was a job offer and we made the decision to move together and start a new life, together.  Everything happened fairly seamlessly.He was offered the job with a higher title than applied for, we looked at 15-20 houses when we were out the weekend of his interview, loved the first house we saw, placed an offer on it, and in spite of the dealings of working with the V.A. we closed on the house before the end of 2014. We loaded all our belongings and moved this little family from Greeley, CO to Saint Joseph, MO the day after Christmas. 
      Sounds pretty simple, however Adam and my split a year ago and all I/we went through should probably have been enough to convince anyone we were finished for good. Not only that, but the events of the year made some people grow to hate me and some to hate Adam. This being said, telling friends, family, and co-workers about us was not an easy task. I knew it wouldn't be, however I didn't  think it would all be as difficult. I didn't know I could loose someone who I have considered a great friend for a really long time. Time and distance was always an issue with us, but my choosing Adam hurt people and I understand. I also hope in time friendships, if they were meant to stay that way, will be mended.
      I have lived in north, north/east Colorado all but the first 4 years of life, which I really have no memory of.  I knew leaving would be hard, but it has been so much more difficult than I thought, emotionally. I know all of two people here, and they are the two I live with. I cannot just drive down the highway to see my nieces. I can't just ask Hazel to watch Anthony this weekend so we can have a date night. I don't know when we will have a date night again. I missed the birth of my god-son this week. The closest thing I had to a sister, my friend of approx.21 years may be becoming a mama this year, and I'm going to try my hardest to be there as much as possible when the time comes, but I cannot just be there whenever I or she wants/needs. That makes me sad.  Also navigating this town has been frustrating, it's sad when a drive to Pizza Hut that is literally two miles away turns into a near 40 minute ordeal ending with a breakdown. I do not know this town, it's really simple and also complicated all at the same time. I'm adjusting and can get where I need to go, most days, with out my friend, GPS. 
       Anthony has adjusted well. He really likes his school, is making friends, and smiles a lot. He used to worry all the time, he'd worry about really random things like having to give up his beloved stuffed animals, or how we were paying bills (not that I ever had a problem doing so, and if I did, would never mention to him) he would just worry. I have not heard him nor has he asked about any irrational concerns like before. He is simply Anthony, the boy he was before the split. Any struggles Anthony related are really my own as his mom. I worry I am failing him. I moved him what feels like a bagillion miles away from his best friends, and here there is one boy down the street he plays with, but in my opinion, he is 10,000 less cool than Alex. Also, the teacher he has is not Mr.Y, not even close. I feel I am failing in the areas of education. I know nothing about his school really, and feel they are on a higher level than where he was in Greeley, I mean should a third grader be figuring out problems like 64/24 or 72/30?? He was still working on his multiplication table back in Greeley. Also he is not at the level they want him to be in reading, but this is not new to us. Reading is something we will be at or just below grade level until he just isn't. We read and read and read,I have been told that is all we can do to help him improve. This being a mom thing is not easy.
       I spent a lot of time convincing myself I was done with Adam. I convinced myself I could move on, and tried. The fact is, my words said one thing, but my journals and prayers show different.  I never did give up on this family. I never stopped loving him. He would piss me off like no one in the world ever could, but at the same time he was all I wanted.  I know I can be on my own. I know it is possible to love another, I know I do not need to be with Adam to be happy.  I also know I feel safe with Adam, I feel loved, I feel happy, I feel complete. He has been my partner in life for 19 years. He is the one person, no matter how angry I was with him, that when something happened in my day I wanted to call. I wanted to share with.  He is my best friend. We have only each other here, we are growing here, growing in our faith, developing a new friendship based on honesty and trust. We support each other through the good days and the bad.  It is not easy, it's really hard, but the sayings are right, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, and God will not give you anything you cannot handle. We survived this year, we found our way back to each other, and now we look forward to the future. We have dreams and goals and look forward to our future.
    So, I'm seeing a pattern in life that answers the question of "why can't just one thing be easy?" and that is because He is just trying to make me stronger. Easy is for the weak, God has not and will not  give me anything I cannot handle!