Marriage Happens...

But what happened to marriage? When did it turn into something people can just walk away from? When did the vows that were exchanged become just words?  

   This is what typical vows look like:

  I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_vows)

So let’s break it down.."good times and bad", but how bad? How bad do you let it get before it is too much? Do you think people give up without trying these days? Irreconcilable differences? What is that? She smokes, I do not like it, so I do not love her anymore and I want a divorce..He spends too much money on 'junk' and I am pinching pennies to buy milk for the kids. She wants to paint the bathroom blue and I want it green...I don't know... 

  In sickness and in health...how sick? Like ok, seems dumb to walk out on the flu, but what would you do if your partner had cancer? Would you stick it out? Or worse, your partner is in an accident and they are paralyzed and mentally damaged. Do you stay? I watched a touching story of a couple on American Idol, this man is there singing to make a better life for his fiancée. She is on a chair and cannot communicate as a result of a car accident. He stayed. He is there caring for his soul mate, loving her, being with her. Could I do that? Could you? 

   For better or worse...Worse than what? Losing everything, no money no car no home? What do you do? How did we get there? Was it your fault? Mine? Ours? How do you know when you can't handle anything else? What makes a person decide that this person I once vowed to love forever is just not worth it anymore? 

   For richer or poorer...how poor? Is money and stuff really a factor in whether or not we love someone? When did a person's income become a deciding factor in whether or not they get a second date? Heck..a first date? 

   Love, Honor, and Cherish...I was not sure how to go about this part, but I read this and thought it fit:

 “We have all heard the saying that love isn't always enough, which may be why honor and cherish go hand in hand with love in wedding vows.

Love

Love has many different definitions, and we all love in different ways. However, think about some of these terms, and see how they fit your relationship.

·         Adore

·         Respect

·         Admire

·         Show affection

·         Show devotion

·         Find irresistible

·         Unselfishness

·         Loyalty

·         Care

·         Passion

·         Tenderness

Honor

Do we really honor each other? To some extent, most couples do, but how much more could we honor our spouses if we really think about what this term means?

·         Respect

·         Admiration

·         Integrity

·         Deference

·         To treat honorably

·         To fulfill terms of an agreement (vows)

Cherish

To cherish someone is to love and honor them as much if not more than you love yourself. It is the most meaningful of the terms, in my opinion. People can love each other, or care for each other, without cherishing one another. If we truly cherish each other, how can we have anything but happy and lasting marriages?

·         To keep first in one's mind

·         To treasure another

·         To value deeply

·         To hold dear

·         To prize above all else

·         To treat with gentleness and tender care

·         To esteem

·         To appreciate

·         To treat with utmost importance

(http://marriage.families.com/blog/love-honor-and-cherish)

 Can we do this enough?   Adore, respect, treat honorably, or keep first in one’s mind?

I have been reading the blog of an acquaintance; she gave the blog their family name and has several entries. In these entries you hear her mention her husband very rarely. The entire ‘about me is about her and her kids, not once in that section does she mention her husband or that she is married. When did our kids become number one to our spouse? News flash! Our kids are going to leave us! Then what? You will not know the man you are married to because you spent 18+ years ignoring him!  

   How many times have you gone out and heard some guy saying terrible things about his wife? Or had guys come to you asking if you would be willing to cheat on your husband? Or seen girls who look for men who are married?   Whatever happened to married means off limits? Girls in this town get catty and bitchy about girls who look at their man, yet how many of them have been the ‘other woman’? We, ladies, need to stop this! If you do not want girls looking at your guy, stop looking at other guy’s yourself!

   So many people around me I have seen in bad relationships, start talking to “a friend” of the opposite sex, and that is like playing with fire. DON’T DO THAT!! Call your mom/sister/cousin, but not a man! I don’t care if right now he is a friend, this is how things turn into more than friendship! You know this, I am sure I am not the only one who has seen it. 

Ok…I don’t know where I am going with this….Has anyone else had thoughts like this really long one?

  Care to share?? 

Love is work...

  Making your spouse feel loved is not always an easy job. You have to work at it everyday.
  I was listening to a radio program the other day and a woman was talking about a 'love jar' she started with her husband. they each had a jar with 5 pieces of paper in them. Each piece of paper had one thing their spouse could do to show them they care. This woman had a feeling about what her husbands papers were going to say, but was surprised when she pulled the first one and it said make me a fruit salad. A fruit salad makes her husband feel like she cares. So she now makes a fruit salad regularly so he knows she cares.
  I like to do little things like have a fire going and have the house all warm when he gets home from work. Remembering to turn on the mattress warmer a couple hours before bedtime so he has a warm bed to get into, having a clean house and a warm supper ready to eat. Today I sent him an e-mail before he got to his office just to say good morning and I love you. These things show him I love and appreciate him, and I love doing it!
  What could he do to show he loves me? He thinks lots of love making and bringing home a paycheck..Lol!
  Really, all I want is for him to talk to me, about everything. And help with little things, like getting Anthony ready for bed. Last night he loaded the dishwasher! Yay!
  What do you do to make your spouse feel you love and appreciate them? What can they do to make you feel loved and appreciated?

Wife...

 Yep, at the ripe young age of 18 I became a wife! It was not a hard transition for me. I was the only girl in a family with two brothers. My mom when I was a young teenager went on the road long haul, and I took care of the household a lot on my own. I was raised to do dishes as soon as I could reach, cooked my first box of macaroni and cheese when I was 8yrs old and have been cooking ever since. I was told, growing up, I would make a great housewife/pastors wife. Well, I got half of it right! I'm too rebellious for a preachin' man! Lol! I wanted just that, the house, the husband the kids, a dog, and a cat. I wanted to be the Leave it to Beaver family, where all problems are solved in a half hour. 

  Well, turns out life is not quite that simple.

  Marriage is not easy. It has its ups and downs and curve balls get thrown. I wish all problems were as easy to fix as they make it look on the Cosby show, or what have you, but its not. It takes work everyday and your biggest problem is not what your husband is sneaking to eat in the kitchen. But thats the key, you have to make an effort to make things good everyday....

Mother...

    Mom, Mommy, Mama...ect. I love it! Being a mom has been amazing! And well gross! I have been cried on spit-up on, had bugars wiped on me been peed, and pooped on! My lovely son (said with slight sarcasm) has a thing with putting things in his mouth and eating it! My biggest peeve, the animals hair! Yes, I said it, the cat and dog hair, he eats it! I have no idea how to get him to stop, I think I may have to start punish him him by taking away time on the tv and DS when I see him doing this. When he was in diapers, I remember one day thinking to myself how when I thought of being a mom, I did not imagine pulling hair out of my baby's butt! I also on that day did not think I would have to help pull it out years later when he is 5! "Touch your toes and push like when your pooping" was not a sentence I thought I would ever use!
   Ok, so now that I freaked out all my lovely friends with no kids, I will share the better part! Everyday my son will stop at random times and say something like 'So mom, how was your day?' or "dad, how was work?' or "dad, do I look like you?' Lol! The many random things I learn from from my 5 year old are amazing! I will post them in a later blog. I also like when he is my lil cuddle bunny, which is almost never these days! But when it happens, I soak it all in! His new compliment these days is 'cutie pie.' The other day he informed me that our friend's daughter, Victoria, is a cutie pie like Auralia!  "Huh mom, Aurailia is a cutie pie!?" I would have to agree!
  Being a mom is the best thing ever, I plan to write more about some of our random adventures!
  Share some cute, gross, silly or whatever stories with me about your kiddo's!

Me as a Friend...

  What kind of friend am I? I guess I do not really know how to answer that. I guess maybe not as good as I would like to think I am. I can go weeks without hearing from any of my 'friends' some of which when we talk its like no time has gone by and others its awkward... I would like to think I am a good friend who is honest and trustworthy. I feel like most of these 'friends' keep me at a distance. I don't understand it, but I have learned to live with it. After 20 some odd years of friends coming in and out of my life, and being hurt by many of them and hurting some myself,  I realize I will never have a lot of close friends. I will have many acquaintances, and a couple really close friends.
  You know, I do not have a lot of 'life experience' like many. I grew up with an insanely unstable childhood. I had enough excitement then, that I tried my best to make sure i would have a stable lifestyle as an adult/mother/wife. I fell in love and married young, no i have not had a lot of sex partners, have not had any problems with drugs or alcohol, and do not fight with people. I am not a partier, and have lived in this same little town most of my life.  But this does not mean i think I am better than any one who has has experiences with such things. I am also aware that I may be the only person in America, or that I know who has had no intimate contact of any sort with anyone but my husband. But just because you have kissed or more with more than one person does not mean I judge. I do not smoke, have never done drugs, does not mean i judge you for doing it. I did not drink until I was 21, but that does not mean I care if you did!
  I am no saint, and I care about people, and do not judge them for their experiences. But feel judged for my lack of.
 

My Friends...

 Yes, believe it or not, I have a friend or two. I often wonder how I have lived in the same town for 23-24 ish years, and have so few friends. I know a big part of it was starting in 7th grade I home schooled. I am shy, I guess around people I do not know, I am perceived as stand offish at first impressions. I guess this can result in a lack of many friends. I also am a bit of a home body, not huge on going out, not a great dancer...ect. I guess it is not easy to make friends when you are at home most of the time. I also am not confident that many people like me anyway. I put too much thought into people liking me instead of just being me and if you do not like me, then its your loss. I want friends. I want to be liked. I am lame!
  I have a couple very close friends. I think...
  My friend who I refer to as my soul mate is truly one I would do just about anything for, I'd give her my kidney! Lol! The thing is, as close as we are, she does not trust me with everything. It is hard for me sometimes to understand, but as long as she knows I am here no matter what, it's all I can do. You may wonder how I have decided this and a great example is many years ago she was dating a guy, casually, not a relationship or any thing like that. Well he broke it off as soon as he thought she was calling him the 'b' word, ya know, boyfriend. Well we were talking about him and I asked about sex, (we are adults here) and she denied ever doing that with him, I believed her and that was that. Well a few weeks later she comes to me and lets me know she is going to have a baby. I was shocked, could not believe she was knocked up by her ex-fiancée! She was shocked I would think it was him! Well turns out it was the casually dating guy who she never slept with :/ I love her, and do not understand why she is  not 100% trusting of me. She will talk to co-workers about things she would never talk to be about and we have been friends for 10 years now! I accept this is how our friendship is, but at times wonder what I did wrong to make her feel she can not trust me with everything.
   Another friend of mine, we tell each other everything, like your husband is an ass! Or dude what did you eat, you smell like something died in your butt three weeks ago!?! Lol! She is awesome, I know if I am having a problem I can call her and she will listen, and carefully give brutal advise! We did not always have this friendship though. For a time we barely spoke, and in spite of our issues then we always trusted each other to watch each others kids. Weird right? At this time and before it she had a friend who was her 'soul mate'. I felt like an outsider looking in when I was around those two. When shit hit the fan one day, I was blamed, hurt and said hurtful things as well. After much time those relationships were mended, and I wish I knew then what I know now. But can not fix the past, and am grateful for the present friendship with her and look forward to the future.
   Childhood friends? Well I do not have many left. I see one now and again from time to time, and have a couple on Facebook. Why is it we are so distant? It is really mostly my fault. I am no good at calling people back. Not at All! I had a great friend as kids, we still see each other around town from time to time. I know the biggest reason we are not friends is because she got tired of me promising to call her, she waited by the phone I am sure, and I never called. I am better about that these days, but regret letting that friendship fade off like it did.
    
 

Big Sister...

Big sister is weird, since lil brother is taller, and has lots more 'life' experiences than I do. Uriah is one of the smartest and dumbest people I know. Smart, school is boring for him ,he gets it all, and gets really good grades. I have to study my ass of, and in some classes barely make it! Dumb, he got involved with bad people, and did some really stupid shit! BUT he is turning that all around. I think he will be very successful one day, and this makes me happy for him.
   Our relationship is much different than that of everyone else in my family. We have this unspoken understanding as adults. As children a lot of the time it was just the two of us. We were good friends, and worst enemies. one of my favorite memories was when Uriah was a freshman, and this kid (Mike) who easily had 60+ lbs on Uriah was threatening to kick his ass. Uriah has this love of Mt.Dew, and Mike was between Uriah and his Dew, so I offered to walk with Uriah to the machine, we brought Kamper, our lil maybe 40lb doggie with us. Hehe...Mike, huge guy, was scared shitless of our dog! So as we walked to the machine and Mike walked right for us I told him to back off. He didn't. I just had to say one word in a sad voice "ow" to Kamper and immediately his hair was standing and teeth were showing! Mike said get your dog away from me, I said stay the frick (i didn't say frick(sorry mom)) away from my brother, he said we have some business to finish, I said Kamper too has some unfinished business, I then reached to let him off the leash, and Mike took off like a lil wiener! It was so much fun! Lol, we walked Kamper to the machine often, yet Mike never bothered us again! Lol!  
  Then on the enemy side of our relationship, Uriah gave me my first, and only black eye! Awesome right! Oh well, brothers and sisters fight, I'm sure I got him in the balls once or twice! (sorry Rachael, hope this doesn't effect his ability to reproduce. Didn't effect Zac, so I imagine he'll be good :))
  Anyway, I love my taller than me lil brother, and I look forward to seeing where life takes him! :D